the blessings beneath a watermarked moon

Mostly lately I find my peace at night, standing on one or the other of my stone doorsteps and looking up at the sky. I can feel the beautiful world far beyond my suburb, and I breathe the memory of it. The ghost-wishes of old small mountains, the dream of forests.




On Friday, the moon shone out of a sky that seemed somehow quietly sympathetic. Not a breeze stirred it, not a glimpse of the coming cold season. But I could feel deep south beyond its calm moonlit clouds. And it made me believe in the wild I never get to see anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if we do the right thing when we look for beauty where we live, despite cold stone ugliness all around. Outside my window right now, I can see one pink rose in my neighbour's otherwise ruined garden. I could counting that blessing of a rose - or I could admit honestly it's not enough for my heart. Why do so many of us stay in hateful places, hard situations, counting our tiny dry blessings, instead of planning some lavish escape into wonder, into a life we can love? Why are we always encouraged to see the good, be grateful, be happy - doesn't that just mean surrendering to our larger unhappiness?

Sometimes I think those blessings are links in chains that bind us into being good, quiet, civilised, untroublesome. I wonder what would happen if we stopped being so grateful and grabbed instead for what we really wanted ...

7 comments:

  1. Grab hold of your dreams and run with them. There is always a way.
    I did, it can be done.
    Happy Easter, my friend.

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    1. Actually, one of the things I have been trying to come to terms with is that there isn't always a way. Some dreams come with a large price tag that not everyone can pay. Other dreams must be put aside because of timing, or resources, or all kinds of things. The struggle between what we want and what we can achieve is a very hard one I think.

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  2. This is something I think about too - and is very timely. One of my reads at the moment is ' Women Who Run with the Wolves' by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Have you read it? She encourages 'good' women, through the wisdom of myths, folklore, and the behaviour of wolves, to unearth their natural yearnings, strengths and uniqueness and to re gain their passion and natural place in the world. I hope I haven't mis-represented her book but, so far, am finding it well worth the time. It resonates with 'not surrendering to our larger unhappiness'. Not always easy but it lights the way...
    Happy Easter also.

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    1. Yes, I've read Clarissa's book many, many times. I love it ... and at the same time have replied to it from a different angle in my post Women Who Drift With Deer. Thank you for your note, much appreciated :-)

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  3. Why do so many of us stay in places and situations we hate? Sometimes it is because the place or situation provides something of value to the people we live with and love. Sometimes it is because of lack of resources or fear or yes, even complacency.

    I have noticed that some days my situation--and everything around me--seems lovely, even beautiful, and other days it just all seems wrong and hateful. So, it is hard to know whether I would actually be any happier in my dream life.

    My son has reminded me that if everyone left the city/suburbs (as I would like to do) and moved into the woodlands and countryside, the woodlands and countryside would be ruined, too. Which would indeed be true if we brought our same life here to there and did not alter our way of living; our dependence on corporate energy delivery, town water/sewer and waste management, automotive transportation, and factory food.

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  4. Thankyou Sarah for highlighting 'Women Who Drift with Deer'. I've just read it and agree with you also - and really empathise with Susan's post too. I think it maybe reveals how we can be all things intertwined, and that we act as well as we can according to our circumstances. And, I guess, this changes as we go through life. I also think, ahem, that there is something to be said for not thinking sometimes, and just being...
    Have a lovely day everyone

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  5. I like your revolutionary words here :) Sometimes it is for lack of opportunity or resources that we stay. Sometimes it is a sense of guilt, duty or unworthiness. Sometimes fear. If it is for unworthiness or fear we should be inspired to take the leap perhaps. There are many lives out there, many different selves to be discovered and time is so preciously finite.

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