being, quiet

Lately my days have been quiet. I strained my throat and am supposed to be resting it, not speaking too much, breathing gently. But I didn't need telling that. Winter has drawn me into its own rich deep heart of silence.

I am having trouble with written words also. Perhaps I strained my authorial voice too. I find myself needing to go slow with them, and yet that is not easy. I have too many baskets that want filling. This weblog, the e-letter, the book I am writing ... Something must fray away, or I will become muted.

There's a lovely peace to be found, this far into the quiet. I've always been a bit afraid of it, of not speaking or writing regularly, as if my words are my selfhood and without them I'm not seen. But the further I go in, the less I mind. I look at sunlight resting on flowers, and light drifting between sea and mountain, and I read old books, and understand that it's more important to be than be seen.


10 comments:

  1. Indeed it is, Sarah, indeed it is...
    Having lost my speech after the stroke 9 years ago, I had to learn the hard way that I AM, whether I speak or not... Losing speech, as well as the ability to read and write, sank me into a deep well of non-being. But the love, nurture and skill of family, friends, professional carers showed me I was still ME, and eventually, through hard work and patience, I could regain these skills...
    Not all stroke-survivors are so lucky :/

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  2. I am so glad you were lucky ... and blessed with loving nurturance ... and strong within yourself. ((Hugs))

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  3. Your silence sounds like a beautiful place. Being able to sink into that is a peaceful thing, I feel. My grandmother, and in fact all my matrilineal line have become profoundly deaf at 60. A strange and evil spell, methinks. So words are all they have, when they lose music. They retreated to books.
    But because of this, I panic without words. It's interesting, these different stories - wordless or otherwise we can hold and carry, so deep within us. Silence can be laden with so much. Solace and sentence, both.
    xx

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    1. yes, I too cant cope without words, which is why I must let go of all non-essential words sometimes, to protect the ones I most need, words of weather and magic, mountain and peace.

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  4. Rest in the silence and feel better soon.

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  5. I hope your throat gets better soon dear Sarah - myself I can live quite happily without speaking, but reading and writing is quite another matter. I know what you mean about internet overload, I once had four blogs on the go - something had to give - I gave up three of them and find life a lot simpler now. Take care of yourself.

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  6. wordless, quiet days aren't so bad if you know how to spend them, I'm sort of opposite of you, I can go days without uttering or writing a single word, perhaps because I'm used to being the quiet one...

    hope you'll get back your voice and your words...have a lovely day.

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  7. Rest well my dear friend. I'll do the talking and jumping round for both of us. :D

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