- like wingbones and secret wishes -

There's a way the wind curls inward, when you're standing on a hill watching it, breathing it in. Like the wind is not one thing, but instead a gathering of wild, gentle strands of earth sighing, tree dreaming, ocean imperatives, rising and flying in company for a while. Sometimes one or two strands will catch on the out-reaching imagination of a girl on a hill, and for a moment the wind will coil at that place, tearing delicately apart, making at once a sound and a silence.

I think sometimes I have snagged on the wind's own imagination. The other day I wrote about how I was trying to design my weblog so that it would show readers, upon first arriving here, my way of thinking and writing. I came up with various ideas that would speak to them. But I forgot my own compulsion for quiet. For I have a fierce god, a storm-souled god, who wants from me that perfect moment when a word becomes wordless, pared down to its truest spirit. (Like Patricia McKillip can write sometimes, you know? Not minimalism, but the precise use of words to reveal their essence.)




As I was being dragged back by the ankle, by the heart, into quiet, I realised something more true than Blog Design Principles : if you don't create what you yourself are drawn to, you won't give the right message about who you really are.

So I'm sorry for the small text. I have eyesight issues too, but anything bigger than this blares at me. And I'm sorry for the simplicity, but this is the space I need so I can look across it into the thunderous eyes of my god - because really, I love you all, but that's who I most want to be talking with. In essential sound, and in silence.

When he's listening, I remember who I am.

8 comments:

  1. Love love love. I know *just* what you mean.

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  2. you always have the perfect words...they stop me and make me think. I like when that happens.

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  3. I understand completely. One day, I'm in the forest by myself listening and soaking in all the quiet beauty. The quiet side of me. The next, I'm running about creating a silly something with glitter. The noisy side. I understand why. I spent a lot of time in the wilderness with my family as a little girl. And I studied classical music and fine art, which pulls me another direction. People have mentioned that I seem to be different people. And I smile at this comment. It's just me, being me, and I cannot be just one thing.

    Be true to yourself, Sarah. This is the you we wish most to know.
    xo,
    Lin

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  4. Your words soothe me. Such beautiful poetic descriptions of the wind. I think even when you are trying on different shades of youself, the trueness of your authentic essence shines through.

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  5. The changes are not really personal, that's the whole point. They are intellectual, most of the time. I always end up returning to my authenticity.

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  6. Your words tie together all the loose ends....

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  7. This is the first time I have been to your blog and I think it's beautifully simple. Out there, outside of here many of the sites are noisy and brash and busy and they attack your eyes and your face. I say you're doing it right. I'm glad I came to visit.

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